Topic —  SavvyDad,

What Would You Like, Baxter?

January 08, 2012
Trevor Bond

I would like your undivided attention. Even while I sleep, your gaze comforts me. Without it, comes restlessness and bad dreams of evil cows. When I wake, I would like you to smile in my general direction. I would like you to rid me of these moist loins. I would like to eat that bowl that you spoon-feed me from, in its entirety, all at once, now. I would like you to push that placemat a little to your left so it is within my reach. Then I would like to pull that placemat with a clean jerk, as I am sure that teacup is speaking to me. I would like you to toss me gingerly into the air until your arms ache and shoulders scream, then I would like you to start again. I would like you to tickle my neck with your whiskers, I would like you to stop; I would like you to tickle my neck with your whiskers. Now you better stop. I would like you to stop starring at me quizzically trying to make me smile; I’m not in the mood. I would like you to duck and take cover for your own sake.

I warned you.

I would like my eyes to feel less itchy. I would like to be submerged in hot water. I would like to get out now. I would like you to sing me a song. I would like my mommy. I would like to stop being so fidgety too, Mommy. I would like not to lose consciousness. I would like to start this day again and I’ll do it all differently. I would like your undivided attention, for even while I sleep your gaze comforts me.

And that’s why they invented video monitors.

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