Why do we keep having the same arguments over and over again?
Even if the daily fight (about mealtime, bedtime, bath or TV) is painful, at least we know how it turns out.
We step onto the dance floor, invite our child to dance, “Time for a bath okay?” and he does his move, “I hate baths…” and then, the tantrum. Your turn: drag him to the tub or talk about it for 10 minutes before giving in. Same dance every night. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Here are four tips on staying off the ‘dance floor’.
In either case, give your child a new script to work with and know what you will say to cue him and tell him what his lines are too. So the conversation looks more like this:
Son: “The timer means I have to get in the bath and then we can read books after I dry off.”
Or you: “The timer is ringing—what does that mean?”
The important thing is to immediately move into the new plan rather than worry if the dialogue has gone exactly as planned—ACT don’t YAK!
It is much easier to respond with respect when we know exactly what is expected, as well as how we will respond when it works and when it doesn’t.
Need help with your new script? Visit us at parentingpower.ca or facebook.com/parentingpower.
Today, many parents are information-rich/experience-poor. Books and blogs leave us believing that we already know how to do things when we haven’t actually done them. As you head back to work for the first (second or third) time, remember that you have never done this before.
One way to ease this gigantic transition is to give yourself permission to be inexperienced. Set yourself up for success and know that the process of mastery involves many stumbles (where the learning actually happens). It could take many months for the new situation to feel comfortable for everyone in the family.
Remember to pause for vision. Determine the goals for yourselves as parents and for your children along with the values that are important to your family.
Expectations will vary for every family. Some ideas might be:
With values as your starting point, and a vision of your goals (for the month or the decade), you still need a plan of how to get there (in home, work and family life). Be realistic about what you can and can’t do:
We’ll be happy to help you parent with a plan—come find us at parentingpower.ca and leave your questions on our Facebook page.
Comments
I have 4 year old twins, who to say the least, have regular temper tantrums. I have found a great way to negotiate with them—whether it’s getting them to do something I want or to stop being angry—I kneel on my knees at eye level and say “...but Alex or Zach, I love you so much, you are just so handsome - please don’t hurt mommy’s feelings”. Sounds funny, but it works and I get them everytime. Just food for thought.