Sara Dimerman

Sara Dimerman is a psychologist and provides counselling to individuals, couples and families. She is one of North America's most trusted parenting and relationship experts and the author of four books: Am I a Normal Parent?; How to Influence Your Kids for Good; How Can I Be Your Lover When I'm Too Busy Being Your Mother?: The Answer to Becoming Partners Again; and Why Married Couples Don't Have Sex...at Least Not with Each Other. Learn more or listen to advice from Sara and her colleagues by searching for 'helpmesara' podcasts on iTunes or visiting helpmesara.com. Follow Sara on Twitter @helpmesara.
Getting Back to the True Meaning of Family Day
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Other than my husband`s birthday and Valentine’s Day, when I think of special days during the month of February, I think of Family Day. This year it falls on February 15th. I think of this day as a reminder of how important spending time together as a family. Of course, as with Valentine’s Day, if it’s the only day that you show love and togetherness, your actions may appear somewhat disingenuous. However, if you see this as an opportunity to put in extra effort to show how much you care, then your actions will appear more sincere.

The face of family has changed dramatically over the years. No longer is family conventionally defined by a mother, father and kids. Now, family takes on many shapes.

Not everyone is fortunate to be part of a family in which he or she feels secure, loved and supported. For some, family has been a huge disappointment. While some believe that family members should be revered and respected no matter how they act towards one another, others feel that blood is not always thicker than water and that the friends they have chosen to be part of their inner circle have become symbolic of the family they created themselves.

No matter who you choose to hang out with on Family Day, consider this an opportunity to focus on and show appreciation for one another.

Here are some ideas for getting back to the true meaning of Family Day:

Bring out old photo albums and video tapes or DVDs of years gone by. After going through my father’s belongings after he passed away a few months ago, and coming across old report cards he had kept of my mothers, my plan is to show my kids some of my report cards and school projects from when I was a student. I’m doing this especially because I wish I would have seen my mom’s school records before she passed so that I could have discussed them with her and asked her questions.

Enjoy a nice home-cooked meal together. While eating together, take the opportunity to voice out loud the top three things that you appreciate about one another. Too often we think good thoughts about one another but don’t always express them out loud.

Put extra effort into turning off cell phones, computers and other forms of technology so that you can focus on one another. Play a board game, play charades, or pull out the kids’ markers and create a family masterpiece on a large piece of paper. Maybe trace around each of your hands on a piece of paper as a keepsake.
Whatever you decide to do together, I wish you a fabulous Family Day!

Comments | Tagged under family, family day
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Sara Dimerman
January 04, 2016
Sara Dimerman
How to Have a Mindful 2016
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The end of a year and beginning of the next is often a time for reflection. Time to consider both good and bad from the year that’s been and to plan for changes and good intentions for the year to come.

Along with reflecting back and planning for the future, the new year is also a time for resolutions. This year I have decided to forgo the traditional ones such as losing weight and exercising more. Instead, I have decided to live each day and to cherish each moment as if it were the last. I don’t mean for this to sound morbid. What I mean is that I will take on even the simplest and tedious tasks with more appreciation. I will feel more gratitude that I have the ability to do what I am doing—both mentally and physically—and will treasure the moment and not take it for granted.

I have my youngest sister, Alison, to thank for bringing this realization to the forefront of my conscious mind recently. She was telling me about an interaction between herself and her 15 year old daughter. Tired after a long day at school, my niece approached my sister with a request to wash her hair. My sister jumped at the opportunity. As she lathered her hair with shampoo, massaged her head and washed out the soapy suds, she spent extra time at something she had previously rushed through and taken for granted. So much so, that her daughter asked her to hurry it up. After she wrapped the towel around her daughter’s head and offered to comb out her hair (my niece declined this), my sister felt a lump in her throat and a tear in her eye as she remembered a time when washing her daughter’s hair was considered a laborious chore rather than the labour of love she felt that day.

Little did she know that this opportunity to connect with her daughter in such a nurturing way would be considered rare years ago when she longed for her youngest child to hurry up and be more independent.

This led my sister and me into a discussion about whether we might have treasured or experienced the last time we engaged in an activity differently if we knew it was the last.

What if I had known that the scrambled egg I made my dad and fed to him during his last conscious hours a couple of months ago would have been the last thing he ate? Would I have made the egg with even more tender loving care? What if I had known that the last time I snuggled in bed with my daughter as she fell asleep would be the last time she allowed me to do so? Would I have lingered a little bit longer, as opposed to counting down the minutes before I could go back to my own bed? What if I had known that the last time I fed my beloved pet would have been the final dish of food I put on his mat before he refused to eat and declined rapidly?

The bottom line is to try not to take things for granted or to rush through life. As the new year begins, savour each moment, appreciate every task (profound or menial) and linger just a little bit longer before moving on.

Wishing you and yours a meaningful, mindful 2016!

Comments | Tagged under kids, family, parenting, wellness
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