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In a perfect world, everyone would be a morning person, up at the crack of dawn, cheery and ready to face the day with their workbags packed and teeth sparkling. But the reality for most families is that mornings are a scramble.
Do you almost lose your mind and voice each morning as you coax, remind and even threaten your kids? The stress can escalate all too quickly and leave a pallor on the rest of the day.
So what can we do to bring more peace and harmony to the mornings? Well, this is going to sound counterintuitive, but you have to give your kids more responsibility and let go of some of your own fears. The fact is, by pestering them, packing their bags and lining up their shoes, you are encouraging them to be dependent on you. So let yourself off the hook (and remember: if they are late, it is not a reflection on you).
An important goal of parenting is to encourage children towards independence. And the younger you start, the better! The more your children can do for themselves and for the family, the more confidence they will have. A good mantra for parents to repeat while making changes is ‘Love, Respect, and Faith’. Love doesn’t mean doing everything for your kids—it means letting go! Respect allows for them to make choices and to experience failure such as forgetting their homework, wearing the wrong shoes or being late. Think of these failures as opportunities to learn. And yes, have faith. They will learn.
Here’s a tried-and-true idea to get you started:
Have a family get-together to discuss the morning routine. Even a child as young as 2 1/2 can participate in creating a routine. When children have a say in creating the routine, they are much more likely to follow it. Make your meeting fun and brief, and remember a special snack can win almost anyone over!
Create a list of the jobs to be done in the morning. For instance, your child’s job is to dress themselves, and organize their pack. Your job is to dress yourself, to prepare breakfast and to call them when it’s ready. (Once only, not every 5 minutes!) With younger children it may be helpful to create a job chart with words and photos of them brushing their teeth, getting dressed and eating their breakfast.
Important tip: include a cuddle with a parent as the first thing they do in the morning. Children that feel cared about are far less likely to act out.
I’m going to go out on a limb, and predict that the first routine you make will not work perfectly. You may even curse the attempt. So agree to try the new routine for a few days only, with a plan to revisit it. Then celebrate what worked and tweak what didn’t! And feel free to comment here on your morning successes, failures and suggestions.
Comments
what a wonderful way to start the day! As much as we can, we try and have a leisurely start in my 3 year son’s room, then move on to breakfast. Before Daddy leaves (I stay home), we always have what Jack calls a “family hug”. We all hug together, and it makes him feel safe and secure.
This couldn’t be more pertinent! I just had one of “those” mornings and had to smile when I saw the subject header!! Tomorrow is a new day, and we’re always learning (my mantra, repeated many, many times!).
Thanks for the tips, we are actually going to take the time to do this and I’ll let you know just how it goes.
We already have a morning routine for weekdays with our 17 month old and he loves it. He brushes his own teeth (after we do) and has his own little dance party while we get his pack ready for daycare.
I wholeheartedly agree! Mornings have gone much smoother in our house with the addition of a routine, though after reading your post I think there are ways my kids could be more independent. They’re still young enough that I pack their lunches and a HUGE help in the morning has been me becoming more disciplined about packing the lunches the evening before. It was my New Year’s Resolution this year and it’s been well worth it! The less stressed I am, the less stress I pass on to them, and th emore smoothly our mornings seem to go.
Love the idea of starting routines and responsibility at 2 1/2! I think routines really give children a sense of security.
I’m going to try this. Mornings have been hectic and crazy around our house for far too long, and my blood pressure can use a break!
So True… I am constantly amazed at how much my three year old can do “own self.” Last week she went to fridge got out the milk and poured it on her cereal without spilling. I feel so proud and sad all at the same time watching her become independent.
I completely agreee with the suggestion of handing more responsibility over to our children as they become old enough. I would also like to add that getting up early enough to get the morning routine done is also key.
I have found that giving my boys a steady morning routine has helped reduce the hustle & bustle craziness of the morning. Since I have a child who has ADHD, organization & routine are necessary for the morning to run smoothly. I give the boys the opportunity to choose what they want to wear the night before so there isn’t any confusion in dressing for the morning. While breakfast is being prepared, they are to gather their things for school and they feed the dog as well. While they eat, I get the baby ready to go and they place their backpacks at the door, put their dishes in the sink and brush their teeth. These responsibilities teach them to be independent and they take pride in being ready on time for the walk to school. I make sure to give them praise for completing all of the tasks that need to be done as I usually find them ready and dressed to go before I even make it downstairs with the baby! Kisses, hugs & praise for a job well done are positive reinforcement for my boys for a job well done. And it also positively reinforces Mommy too as we can start the day off on the right foot and make that satisfaction and pride carry us through the rest of the day.
I wish I had read this five or ten years ago! I’m afraid I am one of those mom’s that ‘does everything’, mainly because it’s just easier for me to do it ....it’s more exhausting to make them do it!! I really wish I had started the boys off when they were very young with helping around the house…they ARE too dependent on me and they do lack confidence in themselves as a result…and it seems the older they are, the more difficult it is to make the changes needed. Hopefully a young mom starting out will read my regrets and make sure she gets her munchkins started early!!
I got a great idea from a friend of mine, and my mornings have been more hassle-free ever since.
I have 5 small bins set up in my daughter’s (16 months old) closet. On Sunday night, I fill each bin with an outfit, complete with socks and a diaper, so that every morning, I simply pull out the little bin and put her outfit on, without having to think about it. The matching, “is this clean?”, all that stuff, is done on Sunday, so that mornings are faster. They also sell a pre-made one of these organizers that hangs from the hanging rod in your closet, with each day of the week labelled on it, and a spot for shoes too. It was $19.99 at Lowe’s….I spent $5.00 at Dollarama instead and labelled them myself, with the same thematic colours/writing that my daughter’s room has.
Our morning routines are pretty structured so it normally runs pretty smooth. The first thing she does when she comes down is feed the fish; we told her that they are her responsibility. My daughter also helps with breakfast every morning. She sets out the plates, napkins, forks, etc. Not only is she learning about responsibility but we work in some math in the process; I make a game out of it.
Great ideas - I love the cuddle idea and it is so important. I think sometimes I get so frazzled and busy in the morning that I forget to take the time to cuddle with each of my kids!!
We have a pretty good morning routine for having a two and a half year old and 10 month old. We put out non perishable breakfast items and set the table the night before and my husband and I prepare the lunches that night as well.
Our son is responsible for giving the dog her treats and giving us his plate when he is done breakfast, he is now trying to put it in the dishwasher himself…hooray!
Thanks for the tips
Love the tips! I am going back to work soon, and although my son is still under 1, I appreciate the ideas for when he is older.
Hi Beverley, thank you for the wake up call! When my husband is away on business, I depend on the children to help with the morning routine. Meanwhile, I give reminders and the multiple wake up calls that our teenager has become accustomed to. WE NEED A ROUTINE FOR EVERY DAY, NOT JUST WHILE DAD’S AWAY! Now about that special snack, I’ll get started on that right away…
What a pleasure to read all of your stories and terrific ideas!
It reminded me of the importance of both consistency and flexibility in good parenting.
It makes sense that children do better with consistency - it helps them predict their day and establish good habits. However, there are times when flexibility is called for. For instance, if your child is refusing to brush their teeth one morning, it’s better to say “I love you too much to fight about this.” and let it go. You can do an extra good brushing that night.
Of course, if the behaviour becomes a pattern it’s time for a friendly chat (meaning a 2-way conversation not a lecture!) at a calm time to explore how we can make mornings work better.
A little dose of ‘this too will pass’ is helpful self-talk!
And as a mom very wisely reminded us, watching our children grow up and become independent can be bittersweet. :)
How could any of this be better stated? It couldn’t.
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