I had a dinner party this weekend. It was a Hunger Games themed dinner party which may or may not have included a “Pin the Arrow on Katniss’ Face” competition. But not all dinner parties have to be that fancy. They’re not as much work as you think.
At my house, inviting people over for dinner works for me on several interesting and often unexpected levels.
- I have to clean my house. If people are coming over, I have to make at least a token effort to tidy up. I don’t think people outside of my immediate family will feel comfortable kicking aside the Tonka truck in order to get to the toilet in the main floor powder room. And what is that sticky thing on the floor under the kitchen table? It’s been there for weeks.
- I get to choose the menu. This gives me a lot of flexibility. I can decide to either show off in front of my guests, or serve them crap and hope they’ll be grateful I worked them into our busy social schedule.
- I can drink without having to worry about driving or coming up with cab fare. Hello. This is important as I am always solely responsible for items #1 and #2.
- I can legitimately say to my husband, ‘You need to get the kids out of the house all day so I can clean and cook.’ Then I can quickly sweep, start thawing something frozen, and have the house to myself. This allows me to start in on item #3 well in advance of the guests.
- I don’t have to leave before I want to.
- I seriously think the calories you consume at your own dinner party are simultaneously burned off by all the running, serving and worrying about how your children are leaving the bathroom every time they go in there. And what your husband is laughing about every time you enter the room.
- Next week at the bus stop, I can casually drop into the conversation a line like, ‘Well at my dinner party last week…’ The other Moms never need to know that it consisted of takeout food and a case of beer in the middle of the table. I love the words ‘dinner party,’ don’t you? What’s better than dinner, and a party?
- As a woman, I am aware that whom I don’t invite to my dinner party is just as important as whom I do. You know what I mean. Stop pretending you don’t.
- I can use a dinner party as an excuse to get my husband to clean the entire house while I go to the grocery store. What he doesn’t need to know is that I bought all the groceries online and had them delivered yesterday, and am really at the Starbucks having a coffee. It’s called ‘me time.’
- Because I’m hosting, I can get rid of annoying people whenever I want. Usually the sight of my husband nodding off on the couch will do it. Usually. Sometimes I resort to putting out an air mattress on the floor for him. Okay, frequently.
(Excerpted from Shut Up and Eat! Tales of Chicken, Children and Chardonnay, Key Porter Books, 2010, Kathy Buckworth)
How can I tell if I’m experiencing Postpartum Depression?
There are a number of ways to differentiate between Postpartum Blues, (mild feelings of depression and anxiety that typically appear within the first one-to-two weeks of giving birth) and Postpartum Depression (more severe and persistent feelings of depression and anxiety that typically show up anytime from a few weeks to two years after the birth of a baby).
(Note: Postpartum Blues used to be called “Baby Blues”, but health care providers are increasingly using the term “ Postpartum Blues” to steer clear of any implication that baby is to blame for how mom is feeling.)
Here is where to start:
- Look at the timing of the onset of the symptoms. With Postpartum Blues (experienced by up to 85% of new moms), symptoms occur within one to two weeks following the birth of a baby. With Postpartum Depression (experienced by 10 to 15% of new moms), symptoms can occur anytime between a few months to up to two years following the birth.
- Consider the severity of the symptoms. With Postpartum Blues, symptoms of anxiety and depression are mild. With Postpartum Depression, the symptoms are much more severe. These symptoms may include feelings of sadness and emptiness, constant fatigue, trouble sleeping, changes to eating habits (either eating too little or too much), a strong sense of failure or inadequacy, intense concern and worry about the baby or a lack of interest in the baby, thoughts of suicide, or fears of harming the baby. (Note: If a mother experiences a severe depression following the birth of her baby—one in which she experiences hallucinations or thoughts about harming her baby or herself—she is said to be experiencing Postpartum Psychosis. Fortunately, Postpartum Psychosis is quite rare, affecting just one to two out of each 1000 women who have given birth recently.
- Be prepared for the need for treatment. The Postpartum Blues will resolve itself on its own within a couple of days. Take the best possible care of yourself in the meantime by getting as much rest as you can, asking for help from family and friends, and making an effort to get out for a walk each day. Postpartum Depression requires medical evaluation and treatment (typically medication and/or group or individual therapy). Other treatments such as bright light therapy may also be recommended.
It is important to seek treatment, because if left untreated, Postpartum Depression can lead to difficulties in bonding or caring for your baby. That, in turn, can lead to delays in your baby’s development. It can also put major stress on your relationship with your partner. The sooner you recognize the symptoms of Postpartum Depression in yourself and reach out for help, the sooner things can start to get better.
Comments
If I wasn’t moving next week ... hey wait, can I have a *moving* dinner party and get my guests to arrange furniture and unpack as part of a game?