Cream Eggs are Disgusting: an Open Letter to the Easter Bunny

Dear Easter Bunny,
So it’s that time of year again, B-Man. Santa’s been and gone, Cupid’s shot some arrows and stolen a few hearts, and weird little green dwarves have run amuck all over town. And now it’s Easter; your time to shine. But before you bounce your cute little bunny ass into my house, I have a few conditions.