If you have children, you know that certain baby products are designed purely to make your ovaries burst with emotion.
Tiny shoes, onesies and mittens the size of your thumb… it’s too much to handle. While these are marketed as clothing that is necessary for the well-being of your baby, they are actually just tiny sections of cloth designed to get you (and others) pregnant with more babies. Great job, marketers of the world! You got me.
Then again, there are the baby items we all would happily live without. Rice crackers? Gross, weird smelling, and they fill your purse with food dust when they inevitably break into a thousand tiny pieces. Diapers? UGH, so much money, and it means you’re cleaning up poop several times a day. In fact, all poop-related products should be on this list.
But baby wipes? Nope. Baby wipes are magical. In fact, baby wipes might just be GOD’S GIFT TO THE UNIVERSE. I can prove it.
As a mother of two school-aged children, baby wipes should be lost deep in my past, like coconut rum and bad boyfriends. I shouldn’t want them or need them, and yet, they’re in my car right now (the baby wipes, not the romantic mistakes of my youth). They’re a part of me, and if you’re a mom, they’re a part of you too. Let’s review some of the ways baby wipes are still awesome, long after your kids can wipe their own butts.
1. They make your gross children presentable in seconds
Sure, your kids are handling their own business in the bathroom (most of the time), but they’re still covered in dirt, food, sunscreen, sweat and miscellaneous craft adhesives. Don’t even get me started on glitter. But never fear, baby wipes will take care of it – wipe ‘em off and head on into that restaurant or grocery store looking fresh.
2. They’re basically the same things as a bath, right?
You can wash a child head to toe with a baby wipe in less than a minute. If you’re tired, sick, busy or lazy, a baby wipe bath will do. Yes, you still have to give them a real bath occasionally, but no, we won’t tell if you send them to school four days post-bath on a baby wipe rubdown and a spritz of pear-scented hair detangler.
3. They’re effective at cleaning the trifecta of grossness: snot, puke and blood
Kids are perpetually leaking body fluids that they have no plans on cleaning up themselves. Case in point: booger-streaked cheeks, vomit happening at any given time or place, blood when you least expect it. A baby wipe can clean a skinned knee at the park or mop vomit off a mall floor. Not that any of us has ever had to do that.
4. Too tired to wash your face? Baby wipes
It’s midnight and you’re about to collapse into bed when you realize that you haven’t taken off your makeup…but washing your face is so much work when you’re tired. Guess what? Baby wipes. Now you’re ready for bed and you smell like the angelic neck roll of a newborn.
5. Need a quick armpit wipe down? Baby wipes
Removing that smeared bit of eyeliner or mascara from your face when you’re getting ready for the day, wiping down the counter in the bathroom as you stand there and realize how grimy it’s getting, getting that deodorant mark off your shirt, wiping down your actual armpits when you remember you haven’t showered and have 8 minutes before the bell rings at your kids’ school… You’ll use them everywhere.
6. They can make you feel like a domestic goddess
Oh man, my laptop is gross. Let’s just wipe off that keyboard for a second. And also this desk, while we’re here. And maybe this houseplant that seems to be gathering dust. Oh, and the light switch over there, and that random mark on the wall. All clean now. Awesome!
7. They work in cars, too
Ugh, look at the dust in this car. Where are those baby wipes? Gotta clean up this dashboard and wipe down the leather seats before I die of my dust allergies. Man, it’s fresh in here. You can’t even smell the yogurt drink that rolled under the back seat last week. I really am a domestic goddess!
8. Poop still happens
Just because your kids are potty trained doesn’t mean you’ve seen the last of poop. Far from it, my friend…so very far. Kids will have accidents, have an upset stomach or simply need a bit of help cleaning up. Guess who they’re going to yell for? YOU. It’s always you. This alone is reason enough to love baby wipes well beyond the toddler years.
To be safe, just keep a stash under the sink until your kids move out of the house. You’ll thank me.
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