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Sometimes we set our expectations too high, too low or we have none at all when it comes to our baby’s sleep. It is healthy to have realistic and positive expectations for achieving good sleep habits in the home. Here are some ‘peace-of-mind tidbits’ to help you relax—mentally and physically.
Expect motherhood to guide you to solutions and perpetually transform your expectations. The more well-rested and relaxed you are, the easier it will be to adjust to the constantly changing world of motherhood.
There is nothing more exhausting about motherhood (the early years) than having a baby who will not sleep and then spending those half-conscious waking moments trying to find a sane solution to the sleeplessness.
Let’s forget the books, the Google-ing, other mother declarations (or maybe your mother’s two cents worth) for now. Instead, let’s focus on the here and now on what is right in front of you.
Sometimes all you need is a fresh perspective—attune yourself more closely to your baby’s experiences to turn on that ‘night light’. Here’s my mommy brief on some of baby’s key senses. There are actually 11, but here are the top five:
Good to know: Babies will hone their senses between four to seven months of age. Tune in next week for more on sleep and your baby.
When it’s time to introduce your baby to solids, there is no need to feel overwhelmed. Regardless of whether it’s your first or your fourth time, you can make it fun, and it doesn’t hurt to review these simple steps.
What to Feed?
This tends to be the biggest question of all, and recommendations vary widely on what to start with. Iron-fortified rice cereal is the most common recommendation, because it is least likely to cause allergic reactions.
Where to Feed?
This is much more important than you think. You are teaching good eating habits which begin with structure in a common ‘eating’ area. Babies and children like to know what to expect. When they are at the kitchen table, they will learn what to expect and what is expected from them.
When to Feed?
Pediatricians now recommend introducing solids at six months. This is to encourage breast-feeding for longer periods, and research shows that it’s not necessary to introduce solids earlier. Speak with your family doctor, pediatrician or a dietitian if you need some guidance.
How to Make?
Make your own, buy jarred or frozen baby food as you feel comfortable. Give your baby a spoon, too, so they feel they are a part of the experience. Think calm, quiet and consistent:
Introducing solids definitely has its challenges, but by setting proper expectations for both yourself and your baby, you will have more success in the long run.
Regardless of whether your child is a picky eater or an over-eater, there are key nutrients that your child needs on a daily basis. These include Protein, Carbohydrates and Good Fats.
In an ideal world, each meal and snack should consist of the following:
By following these nutritional guidelines right from the start, you can create healthy eating habits for your child that last their lifetime.
There’s a new industry that has emerged as an offshoot of one of the oldest professions in the world. It’s dirty, often takes place late at night behind closed doors, and creates controversy in terms of what’s really right and what’s really wrong. That’s right: Parenthood. But fear no longer, because today it is recognized that just because you actually are a parent doesn’t mean you’re necessarily qualified to be a parent, or that you should be expected to take on said parental duties.
Enter the Baby Concierge.
When I first heard this term, I immediately conjured up an image of the gravelly voice, cigar smoking, diaper-clad gangster baby we met in Bugs Bunny (Baby Face Finster, to be precise), cutting deals for Broadway shows, getting you into the best parties, finding a real sweet deal on some electronics, all from the comfort of his padded stroller. But I did a little research and apparently I should have been thinking more along the lines of a wedding planner.
As the mother of four children, I know the words ‘plan’ and ‘parenting’ really only go together as a birth control strategy, but Baby Concierge services will try to convince you that they can take the stress out of almost everything baby related for you, right from the moment the line on the stick turns blue. From doulas to diapers, nursing to nurseries and post-partum to pre-school, they can find the professional product or service to make your entrance into the world of Mommyhood or Daddydom a piece of baby-shower cake.
While I absolutely admire the intentions of these well-meaning service professionals to aid parents in their time of greatest need (and make a tidy profit as well, which as a capitalist, I also admire), there are some moments I feel that every parent should experience for themselves in order to wear the title parent, and not just Chief Procreation Officer. For instance:
Don’t get me wrong; I’m all for finding new, convenient and easy ways to do things, so perhaps I’m just a tad jealous these services weren’t around when I had a newborn. But in the spirit of growing and learning, I’m going to take a page from Finster’s playbook and find my own padded stroller to operate from. Minus the cigar.
That’s so funny, I especially like the ikea bit because my changing table is a kitchen island bought from ikea!
Sign language is a great tool to help reduce temper tantrums in your baby and toddler. Studies have shown that teaching pre-verbal children how to use simple signs to communicate with you will help to reduce their frustration. This is because they are able to tell you what they want, eliminating many guessing games.
When my daughter was 10 months old, I was giving her Cheerios in her highchair and she kept throwing them on the ground and signing ‘more’. I said to her, “You don’t want ‘more’! What do you want?” and she signed ‘more’ ‘cheese’.
I was amazed that my 10 month old signed two words together, but also that she was able to easily
tell me what she wanted. Additionally, there was no cheese in sight and I hadn’t offered her any during this snack time. If she didn’t have that sign to use, then I would have assumed she was finished because she was throwing her food on the floor. She would then have been angry and frustrated, possibly resulting in a temper tantrum.
Sign language as a tool is also very handy when children are learning how to talk. Many times the child is not always clear in his speech and we can’t be100% sure what word they are saying. For example, some kids might say ‘ba’ and it means a number of things like, ball, bath, bottle, book etc. If your child is signing, you can then understand what he wants, eliminating the frustration of having to guess.
Here are five great signs to start with:
Using sign language is as easy as teaching a child how to wave good-bye. The most important thing to remember is to be consistent. If you are choosing to teach the sign ‘milk’, then every time you say the word milk you should make the sign. Just like reading a book or teaching a song, this is just another enhancement you can bring to your child’s life.
You hear stories of people potty training their children by age 9, 10, 11 or 12 months. Really? At those tender ages, I suspect it not the child who is potty trained, but rather the parents.
A potty trained parent is a parent who has learned to notice their child’s body language and run to put a potty under them and ‘catch a pee’. I don’t see the point of that, myself. My definition of a potty trained child is a child who has the ability to recognize when they need to ‘go’, the sphincter strength and control to ‘hold’ until they can get to the toilet, the manual dexterity to unzip, unbuckle, strip down and actually ‘go’ independently; and then to wipe up, wash hands, and return to what they were doing. Amazing right?
So there are a lot of skills, physical maturation and psychological readiness required. It will take some time. On average, most children start training somewhere in the beginning of their second year and finish sometime by the end of the third year. Girls usually train before boys, and the order tends to be day dryness, day BM’s, night BM’s and finally night dryness which may not be accomplished until the child is age 6, 7 or 8. (Heredity is a factor here.)
So with that in mind, rather than trying to get your 18 month-old to use the potty to make a pee and getting into a fight, which will invite resistance and slow your efforts down, let me suggest the things we can be doing to help set the ground work for later successful training. To reduce confusion, let’s not call it ‘Potty Training’. Instead, let’s say we’re helping establish ‘Potty Readiness’. Sound good?
From about 18 months, you can work on this list of activities with your child;
Stay positive! Stay light hearted.
Thanks!
I’m also trying to train my 2 1/2 year old daughter to go potty, and it on and off. One week she is doing amazing, and the next she’ll refuse.
Happy to help! Good luck with these starter steps!
If I had the baby-world equivalent of a crystal ball, I’d be able to provide you with a definitive answer to the first part of this question. You could mark that red-letter day on your calendar! Because I don’t have such a gadget, the best I can do is provide you with some baby sleep statistics:
As for encouraging healthy sleep habits, there are plenty of steps you can take as your baby’s sleep patterns begin to mature. Here’s a quick overview. (You’ll find more detailed information in my book Sleep Solutions for Your Baby, Toddler, and Preschooler: The Ultimate No-Worry Approach for Each Age and Stage.)
When your baby is a newborn, you’re basically in sleep survival mode, so you don’t want to make life any more stressful for yourself than it already is. Your basic goal during this stage is to help your baby start to learn the difference between night and day. Emphasize differences in noise levels and brightness. In the morning, open the curtains to let in as much natural light as possible. Go about your day so that your baby gets exposed to the sounds of your daytime activity. In the evening, keep the light and sound levels low so that your baby learns that it’s time to start winding down for sleep. In the middle of the night, keep the light levels low and speak in quiet tones while you’re feeding your baby. You want your baby to learn that it’s still time for sleep.
When your baby gets older (around 3 to 4 months of age), she becomes more capable of understanding cause and effect relationships. This is the perfect time to introduce pre-bedtime routines. As you go through each stage of the routine, your baby will begin to anticipate what comes next (bath, pajamas and a diaper, feeding, song and a cuddle, bedtime). Some babies are stimulated by bath-time and end up being wide awake after their bath. If this is the case with your baby, you might want to schedule bath-time earlier in the day.
Give your baby a chance to start falling asleep on her own at naptime and before bedtime. When she makes noises in the night, wait a moment to see if she’s actually awake. (Sometimes babies make noises and then fall back to sleep—unless we rush in, pick them up, and wake them up!) A baby can’t learn how to sleep through the night until she learns how to fall asleep on her own and how to fall back asleep on her own. Every baby masters these skills at a different time and you can’t force her to learn these skills before she is ready. All you can do is provide her with opportunities. If she’s not ready, wait a few weeks and try again. A few weeks can make a huge difference in terms of infant development.
If your baby is struggling with sleep, talk to your doctor. Your doctor can conduct a physical examination to rule out any physical causes, such as ear infections or gastroesophageal refux that can result in middle-of-the-night misery for babies and their parents.
All the best to you and your baby.
You’re becoming an old pro at this parenting thing. In fact, you’ve decided to have another baby. Now you’re wondering what you need to know to prepare your first born for the arrival of baby number two.
Start spreading the news. Let your older child hear the baby news from you before she hears it through the family or neighbourhood grapevine. Let her know that there’s a baby on the way and that she’ll soon be someone’s big sister.
Involve your older child in your pregnancy. Take your older child to your prenatal checkups so that she can hear the baby’s heartbeat and watch the doctor or midwife measuring your belly. This will help to make the pregnancy feel more real for her.
Do your best to answer your child’s questions. Speak to her about pregnancy and birth in an age-appropriate way. (Don’t start bombarding her with every fascinating fact you just read in your pregnancy book. Try to figure out what she’s really asking, and answer those questions in the simplest and most straightforward manner possible.)
Don’t oversell the new baby. Newborn babies are pretty boring (at least from the viewpoint of a preschooler who is looking for a playmate). Make sure your older child has a realistic idea of what new babies are really like so she won’t be too disappointed when the new baby shows up. Spend some time with a friend who has a newborn so your child can learn a bit about babies before she meets her new brother or sister.
Have a plan. Let your child know what will happen around the time of the baby’s birth. Will you be giving birth at home or in hospital? Will Grandma and Grandpa be coming to the house to help take care of her while you’re in labour? What will happen after the baby is born? Your child needs to know what to expect so that she’ll feel safe and secure.
Accept that you can never fully prepare anyone for the birth of a baby. Just as you were both surprised, amazed and more than a little overwhelmed by the birth of your first child, your firstborn will experience a range of emotions when she meets her new brother or sister. What matters is that you allow her to express those feelings and that you find ways to reassure her that she is still loved as much as ever. Having a new baby in the family won’t change that at all.
My 2.5 yo told me the other day that babies are sad. When I asked him why he said because they cry! Guess that’s just an insight into the toddler mind. Should be interesting when our next baby joins us in just over 2 weeks.
When it comes to toys, how do you choose the right ones for your baby? What are the key components you should be considering? Childhood development expert, Dr. Deborah Weber shares some key points.
Q. How important is it for baby toys to have educational components? Can toys really help babies learn according to their milestones?
A. What’s most important is to provide a variety of toys—and babies learn from all toys in addition to toys that have educational components such as the A,B,C’s or 1,2,3’s. Educational toys provide babies with an opportunity to learn through play—they are exposed to the different sounds, names of objects, and sing along songs that introduce different concepts and content such as colours, shapes, and numbers. Toys encourage and support the development of important skills in children as they play, such as motor skills, problem solving, creative thinking, socialization, etc. Toys can help babies learn according to their milestones such as providing the opportunity to use their senses, imagine, discover, learn and create.
Q. Can my baby be over-stimulated? Is there such a thing as too much stimulation?
A. Babies have an inborn response mechanism to ignore or turn away from over-stimulation, so if you notice your child continually turning away or becoming fussy, check the surroundings to see if there is too much going on. Some distractions you may not be able to control, but some you can. For example, if there is a loud television, radio, or if your baby is playing with a toy that has sounds and lights, you could eliminate some of the distracting elements. Knowing this, when we design toys for infants, we incorporate short musical responses and have action reaction momentary responses that give the child control. You don’t want to avoid stimulation because it is important to provide it; however, you want to be on guard for over-stimulation.
Q. Brands such as Fisher-Price emphasize that a lot of research and testing goes into how they design their toys. Does it really matter how sophisticated a toy is when sometimes babies/toddlers just play with the box?
A. You are so right—babies love to play with things as simple as a box! They enjoy climbing into and out of the box and discovering what else they can do with it. What we look for when testing toys at Fisher-Price is whether or not babies/toddlers enjoy and are interested in interacting and playing with the toys too. Are the toys engaging and invite repeat play, do they offer child interaction and progressive challenges that address developing needs yet are not frustrating to the child? We take great care to include a variety of play features in toys to encourage imagination and an opportunity for children to fully enjoy and have fun playing while they experience the developmental benefits the toys provide. It’s great to provide a variety of toys and objects for babies/toddler to play with along with things as simple as a box—because they stimulate their curiosity, creativity, and imagination.
Q. Babies grow so quickly, is it possible to find toys they will play with for more than a week?
A. There are a lot of great toys that have multiple ways to play and grow with your child. For example, the Fisher-Price Kick ‘n Play Piano can be used in the crib and then as a floor toy. There are also baby walkers that transform into a toy to ride-on, soft gyms that offer different modes of play from laying on your back, to tummy time, to sitting up; mobiles that transform into crib side soothers are great too! Other examples of types of toys that babies play with for longer periods of time are early role play items such as pretend food or cooking items, blocks, balls, zoo or farm animal figures, and dolls.
Q. What should I look for when picking toys for my baby/toddler? How can I tell a toy is safe?
A. Babies and toddlers like toys with: buttons to press, knobs to turn, action-and-reaction, put-and-take, stacking-and-nesting, colourful activities, lights-and-sounds, textures to touch, surprises, happy faces. They are attracted to bold, contrasting colours and simple but interesting patterns. They like listening and moving to lively, rhythmical music, as well as listening and falling asleep to soothing lullabies. Regarding how to tell if a toy is safe, check to be sure it is manufactured by a reputable toy company that indicates they meet safety regulations. Follow the recommended age grades on the package. The age recommendation provided by the manufacturer of the toy will give you the age the toy is safe and appropriate for.
When a second baby arrives, our toddlers suddenly seem so mature. We still need to have age-appropriate expectations of their abilities to set everyone up for success.
Baby’s arrival can be as frustrating for Big Sibling as it is exciting for others. Big Sib didn’t want this new child and is no longer the star of the show. Surely, misbehaviour will bring all the attention that Big Sib needs.
Create a ‘treasure box’ with Big Sib, full of books, blocks, independent activities and shelf-stable snacks. At baby’s feeding time, invite Big Sib to grab the treasure box. He can help himself to a snack while baby is eating, then the two of you can read a book together. Giving attention for behaviour we want to see means that Big Sib doesn’t have to resort to misbehaviour for attention.
Be realistic about sharing—kids this age are egocentric—they believe that their point of view is the only one: “Everyone knows that I want this toy now. No one else will take it.”
We can introduce/model sharing by:
When kids are fighting over a toy, step in and guide children. Express your belief that it can work, “I know that you two can find a way to make this work”. Guiding when they are too young to do it on their own will be the first step in their development as problem-solvers.
When it comes to toys, how do you choose the right ones for your baby? What are the key components you should be considering? Childhood development expert, Dr. Deborah Weber shares some key points.
Q. When toys are labelled with ages, are the labels for safety, or are they based on research on developmental stages?
A. Thank you for asking this very important question! Age recommendations are guidelines for parents and gift-givers to use when purchasing toys for children. The age recommendations on Fisher-Price toys are based on the following factors: safety guidelines, sound knowledge of the developmental stages of children, observations of children interacting with toys, input from parents of young children regarding the age-appropriateness of toys and history of similar toys. So you can see that much consideration, deliberation and testing goes into establishing the age recommendation for toys. In addition to following the age recommendations for toys, parents need to instruct older children to keep their toys out of reach when younger children are around, as there could be small parts which could cause a choking hazard.
Q. My friend’s baby seems to be learning/developing quicker than mine. Should I be worried? Does this mean my baby is less intelligent?
A. Children develop at different rates and go through developmental stages at a different pace. The best way for babies to learn is through their interactions with you. Talk, read, and sing to them throughout the day—use descriptive language because that provides the foundation for learning. In addition, there are many toys on the market which have learning components integrated into them for a child your baby’s age.
Q. How can I encourage my baby to use their imagination?
A. The Laugh ‘n Learn toys provide a great opportunity for babies to use their imagination. They are early role play toys with themes to introduce baby to pretend play in a fun and familiar way way—some examples are a Tool Bench, Farm, Kitchen, Tea Set, Vacuum and Lawn Mower—these toys jump start baby’s way to imaginative play. Engage in play right alongside of your baby—it’s a great way to get them engaged and encourage them to use their imagination—“What can we build today? Would you like a cup of tea? This room is messy—we sure do need to vacuum—let’s do it!”
Q. What type of stimuli should I be exposing my baby to and at what stages? When are colours most important? Sounds? Touch?
A. The youngest babies are sensory learners, so exposing them to a variety of sounds, sights, and textures is appropriate. Playful music as well as soothing music of different styles, bright colourful high-contrasting toys or objects, and texture that is smooth, bumpy, silky, furry, or soft. Describe the sounds, sights, and textures to your baby as they interact and experience them. Introducing the older baby to colours provides them with the understanding of the colour names and that objects are made of different colours. It gives them the language to use to help describe objects.
Q. Can a child have too many toys?
A. A child can have too many toys if there is no place to store them properly. Clutter and disorder can be over-whelming and cause frustration making it difficult to play appropriately. Keeping toys in order on shelves or in containers is important so that when it is time to play, the toys will be ready, and when it is time to clean-up, there will be a place to put the toys away. When a child outgrows a toy, it can be an emotional parting for the child. If your child is old enough to understand, involve him or her in the decision about what to do with the toy. You’ll have an indication of when it is time to part with the toy, to save it for another child, or to give to charity, when you’re child no longer uses it for several months.
My wife and I have a baby on the way in two months so I’m reading up on all I can!
gonna do our best to help our little one learn through the right kind of play, thanks for the info!
-Zach
Your new baby has arrived on the scene and your toddler is understandably wide-eyed and eager to help.
Or, your toddler could be ignoring the new baby entirely, preferring to take a wait-and-see approach until he’s sure that she’s here to stay.
Whether your toddler is ready to dive into siblinghood or wait on the sidelines for now, he’ll be looking for guidance from you. He’s probably wondering how babies work. Are they simply miniature versions of big kids? What can you do with a newborn brother or sister anyway?
The best way to teach a toddler about babies is by being hands-on.
Start out by sitting on the floor with your toddler and the baby (so you won’t have to worry about anyone tumbling off a couch or a bed). Point out the baby’s eyes, ears, fingers, and toes—everything that a toddler is likely to find fascinating. Your toddler will no doubt want to point out his eyes, ears, fingers, and toes, too.
Then, show your toddler how to hold a baby. You may find it works best if you sit your toddler across from you on the floor and help your baby to support the baby on his lap. Show your toddler how to gently caress a baby, making soft, slow motions. (You can model the motions and then try guiding his hand.)
Next, place the baby back on the floor and talk about the ways big brothers can help with a baby: by choosing a clean outfit before a diaper change, by choosing a toy from a bin of baby toys, by singing a lullaby, by sharing a book with the baby.
Be sure to let your toddler know that it’s normal for babies to wake up in the middle of the night: that he doesn’t have to hop out of bed or worry if he hears the baby crying for a moment or two. Babies wake up in the night because they have very small stomachs and they need to eat more often than children and adults with larger stomachs. The baby will nurse and then go back to sleep.
Finally, don’t forget to talk to your toddler about all the ways the two of you can have fun while the baby is nursing or napping. You don’t want your toddler to feel like it’s going to be all work and no play around here from now on.
Like many 12 year olds, my daughter recently completed her “Babysitting Course”, which in theory will enable her to venture forth into the world of watching other people’s children with insight, knowledge, and experience. However, after having reviewed the course materials and grilling her on the information that was shared, I do believe that as a mother of four I should share some vital facts which seem to have been left out of the course content.
Your new baby has just arrived on the scene. Everyone who walks through the front door tends to make a big fuss about the baby, which can leave your older child feeling like the understudy to a hot new star. Can you blame her if she’s feeling lonely, unappreciated, and a little bit resentful, too?
The antidote to those prickly feelings she’s experiencing is some TLC from you, amply administered in regular doses as parental time and energy allows. Here are some tips on making that happen.
Think about activities that you can enjoy with your older child while you’re feeding your baby. You will, after all, be spending a lot of your time breastfeeding, particularly when your baby is still in the newborn stage. Fortunately, breastfeeding can be combined with other activities, like reading books, playing games (everything from simple board games and card games to in-your-head games like “I spy”), telling stories, and enjoying a cuddle on the couch.
Take advantage of your baby’s naptimes to enjoy activities with your older child that can’t be done quite as easily with a babe-in-arms. Do somersaults together in the backyard. Whip up something healthy in the kitchen. Or go for a walk together while your partner or some other trusted adult listens for the first signs of baby waking up for his next feeding. (If you carry your cell phone with you, the person at home can text you to alert you that feeding time is rapidly approaching and that it might be wise to start heading for home.)
Get a handle on what your older child is thinking and how she is feeling about the new baby’s arrival. You want her to be honest about her feelings, so don’t tell her that her feelings are wrong or bad if she says something negative about the new baby. Incorporating a new person into a family is a big adjustment for everyone. With support, encouragement, and patience from you, your older child will make this adjustment—when she’s ready.
Ann Douglas is the author of numerous books about pregnancy and parenting, including The Mother of All Pregnancy Books (2nd Canadian edition, Wiley, June 2011). Her websites are www.having-a-baby.com and www.anndouglas.ca.
Comments
Hey Cassie! I read somewhere (or heard somewhere - oh, I think it was last month’s Today’s Parent) that the 50% veg 25% meat 25% starch was right for adults but that kids should have 50% starch, 25% veg and 25% meat. What do you think?
I will catch your site again. I love the thoughts you’ve shared. They are explicitly explained. Thanks for the post. Thanks :)