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Moms Talking in Park with children
Rude, crude and socially unacceptable. Don't get caught saying the wrong thing in the schoolyard this year.
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You look tired.
No one ever started a great day by being told they look like crap. Genuine concern over our kids' inability to sleep, we'll gladly take. But an honest critique of how we look masked as concern? That's what your (all-too-often neglected) inside voice is for.
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Is that from Joe Fresh?
We can privately own the love for Canada's own discount clothier just as much as the next girl, but being called out on it? Let's just say some things aren't meant to be labelled.
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So, when are you due?
In the ‘Is she or isn't she?' arena, a little bloating or a bad layering look can go a long way towards total mortification (yours and hers). Unless you've personally cooed over the ultrasound image or heard it from the horse's mouth, ‘Soooo, what's new?' is still the only way to safely start the conversation.
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I just booked that awesome babysitter of yours.
Mothers follow an unspoken code: to help each other out whenever we can. The rare exception? Poaching, or even just slightly encroaching, on our regular Saturday night sitter. So hands off our help—unless we offered to hand over her number.
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It’s just a little fever.
OK, she's six. Chances are she's not breaking out into a rash from some new incisors. So, while staying home with a feverish child might cause you to miss a meeting or yoga class, keep him/her away from our kids.
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Suzie didn’t eat her lunch? Did I mention we only eat organic?
When did packing the perfect snack become a status symbol of motherhood? Feeling superior over serving certified grub for their growing bodies is not only controversial, it's a losing battle. They'll eventually succumb to the stuff you tried to keep them away from anyway. So on the occasional play date or dinner out, let your standards slide.
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We don’t let our kids watch TV or have Wi-Fi in the house.
Our first instinct is to ask how one effectively parents if the best negotiating tool we have ever come across is removed from the equation, but maybe kids who never stare at screens are too busy being creative to ever need discipline? Regardless, lifestyle differences shouldn't make us feel superior or inferior. (Unless your family owns a suite at the Hotel George V in Paris. Then you can feel superior all you want. Also, invite us.)
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What do your kids do while you’re at work all day?
The answer you want to give: 'We let them run wild, completely unsupervised. They love it.'
The answer you do give: 'We have an excellent nanny/daycare/family member.'
The answer you should give: 'They learn, explore, relate, develop, create and grow. Your kids?'
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Well, at least it didn’t break the skin.
Broken skin or not, we're pretty sure it at least slightly scarred the other kid's psyche. Yes, biting can be a part of growing up, and while we're comfortably sure (so far) that your kid isn't heading into Hannibal Lecter territory, reacting all too casually isn't taking it seriously enough.
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School is just too easy for her, but she’s gifted.
No matter how many Baby Einstein iPad games you play with them, some kids will always excel where others may not, and a veiled brag is still a brag. Yes, be unabashedly proud of them, especially when they're kind, empathetic and thoughtful, but know that everyone thinks their child is gifted in some ways. (Just not everyone feels the need to say it.)
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We chose private because we wanted to give him the best start.
You can add public vs. private school to the list of items parents love to debate (breastfeeding vs. formula, working vs. stay-at-home moms). When it comes to educating our kids, we should all be enlightened enough to realize there are benefits and drawbacks to every option. What matters most? Parents who pay attention, regardless of how their kids are schooled.
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Have you had him/her tested?
If we hadn't overheard it, we wouldn't have believed it. Suffice it to say, ascribing a behavioural disorder or developmental delay to a child should be left to the experts. (No. Your passing grade in Psych 101 does not qualify.)
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Having twins must be so much easier since they have someone to play with.
Let's all agree on this: no matter what the birth order, parenting is hard. Good parenting is even harder—without the added pressure of it becoming a competitive sport. As to who has it the easiest? We can all agree on that. The kids!
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Oh well, boys will be boys!
The male child is full of awesomeness in every way. But chalking inappropriate behaviour and excessive force to gender attributes isn't fair to them and isn't a good way to groom little guys for adulthood. So boys—be boys, but know that it's not an excuse to break all the rules.
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Your husband is cute.
This one all depends on the delivery. Thrown out there in a casual way, like pointing out an adorable newborn—totally OK. Combined with a penetrating gaze and a lingering look—you're going to ruffle our feathers.