10 Secrets to Polite Kids

Welcome to the holiday season, prime time for showing off your kids' manners (or lack thereof). Here are a few savvy suggestions on how to enforce some civility at your next family fete.

To avoid outbursts like ‘I don't like it!' or ‘Where's the toy?' a little role-playing can help hit the point home about being polite. Practise the appropriate response ('thank you' works) no matter what the gift is. Some say it's faking it—we say it's acknowledging kindness.

‘What did you get me?' You can't fault kids for thinking every person at the door is a potential purveyor of a wrapped present but you can temper the expectation. Prepare young kids in advance that just because a guest comes over, a gift isn't automatic. Their genuine delight if it does happen is almost thanks enough (but still requires the appropriate response—see #1).

Instant gratification isn't anything new (watch them squirm while a new app quickly downloads) but kids need to know there is a place and time for everything—including waiting for their turn, or even waiting for a few hours, to unwrap gifts.

A gift opened in front of the cousins is fair game, so before they tear open the box to get their hands on the goods, remind them that if they open it in front of friends, they must share it happily—or it's put away for another day.

If they can walk and talk, they can answer the door and greet people with a smile. Encourage little ones to help with guests' bags/coats/gloves and to shake hands with everyone as they arrive. This requires a lot of practise with handshakes and direct eyeball-to-eyeball contact. Practise 'hands and eyeballs' and repeat often.

Brace yourself for the inevitable spill—but feel the thrill as the table is cleared by your kids. On average, children age five and up are capable of carrying their own plates to the kitchen, while older kids can help clear everyone else's too.

Paper hats and tiny toy tokens are hard to resist, but set the ground-rules early for the big pull. One cracker per person (if that is your preference), no pulling anyone else's and you get what you get and you don't get upset. Now everyone's ready to party on.

Kids can find it hard to keep distractions at bay during a long meal. (This applies to adult family members as well.) Make it clear that, at the table, the only communication accepted is conversational. (But allow kids with clean plates to escape after a reasonable time.)

No one should expect a three year old to be completely captivated by a more sedate senior. But sending the kids in to say ‘hello' to older relatives (alongside you or a sibling, if necessary) to share with them their new favourite toy will say—and mean—so much to grandparents and other guests.

Bedtime can bring out their best—or worst—depending on how worn out they are. If kids are still capable of saying ‘good night' good-naturedly, head them off to bed after a quick au revoir to the relatives. For kids who are at their limit, let them leave the party privately and quietly.