Self Care Is Stupid… Until It Isn’t

So here is something it took me a really really long time to get my head around. I used to think self care is stupid. I still kind of do, if it’s the just go take a bubble bath kind of self care. For my overall health and wellness I need to get over myself and my long-engrained attitudes towards what self care actually is. Because dude, I totally need self care. EVERYBODY does.

The documentary Stutz on Netflix was the first time the notion of exercise could be self care because it’s good for you and feels good. Jonah Hill, like many of us, viewed working out as a means to an end; that end being weight loss or a “beach body.” What an amazing concept and yet so simple. Once upon a time I got up at 5am and went to the boxing gym every day. I loved those workouts. I used to espouse that it was so good for me because it would be the hardest think I’d do all day. And the fighter mentality finally shushed my inner critic who’d pipe up randomly from time to time.

But then came the pandemic and gym closures. And then came my daughter’s eating disorder which required a no-holds-barred approach to support her recovery and wellness. It gave me a new outlook on diet culture and nutrition and complicated my relationship with fitness. And in my new goals to approach midlife without a crisis, I need to find ways to care for my body and mind in ways that don’t shame or harm others or myself. Enter self care.

Exercise is self care.

Eating is self care.

Sleeping is self care.

Heck, even drinking water is self care (if you struggle to stay hydrated).

Thinking self care is stupid is not self care.

Maybe most people have grasped this concept by now and I’m the only oldtimer who still thinks the bubble bath bandwagon is how most view this concept. We all have our morning routines to start our day to get us and our family moving; how you’ve designed your schedule to best suit you (even if it’s because you need to show up for others) is actually self care.

For a bazillion years we’ve been told we need to strap our oxygen mask on first yada yada yada, but this idea is deeper than that. This is not letting our baby go precious minutes without oxygen while we fumble with the straps of the weird plastic mask while some random problem on the plane terrifies us all. This is all the steps that brought us on the plane in the first place so that if we actually needed to put on a mask it would not be overwhelming to figure it out and just pop it on and get moving with helping our kids.

It’s not caring for ourselves first. It’s simply caring for ourselves. That’s it. It’s not a hierarchy and no one or no thing has priority. It’s part of the wheel that just keeps turning.

Am I off base here? If I’m on to something my only regret is that I needed to burn out before I figured it out.