Tired of Disappointing Mother’s Days? Celebrate Yourself!

This Anonymous Mom has two kids and is recently divorced. She no longer has disappointing Mother’s Days.

No More Disappointing Mother’s Days… Celebrate Yourself!

My ex-husband did not wish me a Happy Mother’s Day on the first Mother’s Day post-separation. While we were married, a big deal was made of the fact that I was not his mother, so once our kids were past the school-craft Mother’s Day gift era, the day was generally a disappointment. So I’m not exactly sure why I thought he might reach out with gratitude and a “Happy Mother’s Day” to the woman who bore and raises, and loves, and cares for his two perfect children. It was definitely eye opening to learn that he texted that greeting to several women he was already dating and borrowed the (still technically our) car to drive to the sticks to take one of them out on a breakfast date under the guise of fishing supplies shopping for an upcoming trip with our son. I decided then and there that was the absolute last of my disappointing Mother’s Days.

Once upon a time as a step-parent, Rebecca Eckler bravely shared about her disappointing Mother’s Days. My own mother passed away many years ago, so Mother’s Day was already a difficult day for me. However, there are some special women in my life who love me and make me feel cherished, so I always try to carve out some time to see them. If you’re the default parent in your household, grab hold of that title and the (exhausting) responsibility it entails and unabashedly plan what you want to do. Brunch? You make reservations for the restaurant you want to go to. You’re already in charge of the schedule, so now is the time to make it work for you.

For many years I was instructed to choose and/or purchase my own Mother’s Day gifts. It made life easier, because apparently I was incredibly difficult to buy for. And because I was saddled with that label for so long, I really went out of my way to not be picky, or difficult, or whatever you are when someone says you’re hard to buy for. I started feeling really, really sad that, no matter how hard I tried to be easy or chill, buying gifts for me was still so impossible. Until one year I just stopped feeling sad and started feeling just a teensy bit angry. That year I figured if I was tasked with buying my own gifts, I was going to get myself something really nice. Maybe that label became a self-fulfilling prophesy, I don’t know. But I do know that gift-wise, Mother’s Day started picking up!

Once you start showing up for yourself in small ways, or celebrating yourself in more public ways, it gets easier to see that the effort is not wasted. I buy myself beautiful blooms every time I go grocery shopping. I purchase food and snacks that I love (but my kids dislike) for me to enjoy when they spend time at their dad’s place. If there’s an outing I want to do or place I want to visit, my kids are always invited to join me (they usually do!) however I go off on my own if they decline. I felt true joy on Valentine’s Day making heart-shaped pancakes just for my son and me. If you can’t delight in yourself, who can?

So, my ex-husband did not wish me a Happy Mother’s Day on the first Mother’s Day post-separation, nor any one since. And I wish myself a Happy Mother’s Day on that second Sunday in May and every day when I show up for myself and my kids as the mom I always wanted to be.

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers and all who mother!