Another school year is about to start and what do you know, mommy’s getting all sentimental and sucky. I’m starting to reminisce about your first day of kindergarten, how big you’re getting and how fast time is going.
But I’m going to pull it together because there are things you need to know. You already understand the importance of saying “please” and not peeing on the carpet, that stuff is easy. I’m talking about the bigger stuff, like how to be the kind of person you’d be happy to know, and how to make sure mommy doesn’t lose her mind before Thanksgiving.
So grab a cheese string and listen up, because this is important.
- I don’t care about your grades, I care about your effort.
- Being popular is overrated. Being kind is not.
- “Criss cross applesauce” means you need to wear underwear. Every day.
- Lunchboxes don’t empty, wipe, disinfect or fill themselves.
- No, I don’t want to come to the museum with your class but I will because I love you.
- Share your stuff. I will never get mad at you for being generous.
- Mean kids suck but sometimes they’re the ones who need a friend the most. Look into that. Stand up for what’s right.
- Play with everyone and be a good friend. Be loyal, don’t gossip. Drama is a waste of time.
- Kicking someone in the shins and running away is, on occasion, acceptable.
- I will always have your back no matter what. See above.
- You are the boss of you. And so am I.
- Just because I work from home doesn’t mean I can bring you a snack or throw your ball over the fence at recess.
- Even when we’re not getting along I love you fiercely and beyond all reason.
- I’m probably going to forget to submit your pizza forms. I’m sorry.
- No, we’re not taking the school lizards over Christmas.
- A cash bar at the winter concert would be appreciated. Tell your teacher.
- I think we both know I’m not baking anything.
- I’m not buying a poinsettia.
- I’m only buying ONE poinsettia.
- A class party sounds like a great idea. Who’s hosting?
- Our cats are not show-and-tell material.
- Your friends are always welcome at our house. Tell them to bring snacks.
- Saying “no” and disappointing you absolutely kills me but I always have your best interests in mind.
- When I say “chaperone the shit out of that thing” I am indeed talking about the school dance.
- The kid who says I’m not your “real” mom needs to come and see me.
- Your hair looks great. Stop playing with it.
- No, you can’t have an iPhone.
- Girls and boys deserve equal rights and opportunities. Never forget this.
- Don’t bother asking because I have no idea where your library books are either.
- Nope, sorry, can’t help you with math.
- No, you don’t “have to” go to school just like I don’t “have to” make dinner or let you live here.
- Blood, bones, and barf are the only reasons I want to hear from the school during the day. Otherwise, get an ice pack.
- If you hurt someone, say sorry.
- No one can touch you without your permission.
- The toilets at school are the same as the toilets at home. You flush there so …
- You can’t control what happens, but you can control how you respond. You decide what matters.
- Volunteer me for “class mom” and I will end you.
- No, I can’t envision a real-life scenario where you’ll need to do long division either.
- Sometimes things suck, but we’ll get through it together.
- Be curious. Ask questions. Challenge authority (not mine). Be bold. Be brave.
- You’re perfect just the way you are. If you could see yourself through my eyes you would know this.
- Boys are trouble.
- Boys are awesome.
- Mistakes are a sign that you’re trying. Keep going. Persevere.
- Trust your gut.
- I love watching you play.
- I still want to hold your hand and kiss you goodbye.
- It’s okay if you don’t want to hold my hand or kiss me goodbye.
- I love you.
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