I Have A Closet Full Of Clothes And I Can’t Justify Shopping Ever Again!

“I have a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear!” is not a phrase I have used in the past few months, a phrase I once used quite liberally. In fact, I may never shop for new clothes for the rest of my life!  For months now, like so many mothers, I’ve lived entirely in sweats. I wake up in sweats. I spend the day in sweats. I shower. I get back into sweats. I wake up in sweats. Rinse. Repeat. Rinse, Repeat.

But, mostly, these days I am very angry with myself.

Since the day COVID hit, from forced quarantine to now solely working at home, every time I enter my bedroom, I get angry. Thanks to COVID, I’ve become very aware of just how many clothes I own. Some items still have the damn price tag on! I mean, such a waste on money, not just on clothes with the price tag still on, but on all the other items of clothes that I think may have made me happy at some point!

Now that I’m mostly stuck inside, I was disgusted with myself to see the extreme excess of clothes, shoes, purses, and accessories. I can’t stop asking myself, “Who the F**K do you think you are? A Kardashian?” Or, “The amount of clothes you have is ridiculous!”And, “You could have probably retired now, based on your 12 racks of shoes,” which makes me even angrier and more disgusted with myself.

And the funny thing is, I hate shopping, especially in malls. I have formed solid relationships with boutique store owners, who would pull clothes for me, knowing my style, before I arrived, thus making the shopping experience efficient, and less like a chore. Even though my favourite boutiques can open now, I have no plans to go shopping. I can’t justify a new outfit. Where am I  going anyway? I think many women have learned that yes, they really have a closet of clothes and so much to wear, and now will stop shopping as much, or at least ask themselves if they really need another pair of dark denim jeans.

Before COVID, I hated finding something to wear for charity events, cocktailing, attending birthday parties. Before each, I would frantically look in all my closets for something to wear, and like many women, usually screamed, “I have nothing to wear!” as we stood staring at our dozens upon dozens of outfits, hanging right in front of us. It seems weird to have ever thought, “I have a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear,” but that’s how I felt. Now, however, I’ve been thinking, “Holy shit! I have a closet of TOO many clothes and nowhere to go!”

Obviously, this is a 100% #FirstWorldProblem. But it was also equally a lesson learned, to me, something I wish I could have a re-do on, because, again, I am ONE person, so why do I own 35 Little Black Dresses, that more or less look the same? I only have two boobs, so why do I own 54 pretty expensive bras? I have only two legs, so why do I own 35 pairs of jeans?  I have only two feet, so why do I have nearly 100 pairs of shoes? I mean, I like my feet, but did they ever really deserve to be in Prada or Jimmy Choo or Fendi shoes, that cost upwards of $1200, minimum. (Like most women, I always rationalized purchases, doing stupid math: If I bought a $1200 pair of Prada shoes, wore them 12 times over 10 years, that would only be like I’m spending $120 on them! What a steal!) What woman hasn’t justified buying a new outfit this way?

Let me be 100 percent clear; I do not care if you spend thousands on designer clothing, nor should anyone else care, nor do I think anyone should apologize for massive walk-in closets, bigger than my first apartment. I do not care how much clothes or shoes or handbags you have, or how often you shop, or that you are buying new clothes and that you love shopping. I’m not apologizing for it! If you can afford it, enjoy fashion, and shopping makes you feel better and happy and you have the means, go forth and spend as you please! No judgment here! You have nothing to apologize for!

I think I got caught up in the age of Instagram, even though I’m rarely on it. Pre-COVID, I went to at least two charity events a week. Photos were taken. At the same time, I was continuously being interviewed by visual podcasters, and other television shows, for my latest book. I felt that I needed to wear a new outfit, because, god forbid, what if viewers saw me in the same outfit TWICE? How mortifying! I am kidding of course. But that was my headspace. Many times, after an interview, people would reach out, complimenting my outfit. I liked that. It was sweet. But more often than not, viewers noticed tiny details, asking where I got my necklace, who did my hair, where I had bought my shirt.

But even before the age of social media and fashion influencers and selfies and FB and Instagram, I learned in my twenties, as a producer on a nightly talk show, Pamela Wallin Live, viewers may have tuned in to see the show because they truly loved it, but they were equally as aware of the guests’ answers, as they were of what (now) Senator Wallin wore each night, especially when it came to her hair. We had on Prime Ministers, famous musicians and authors, and other powerful and interesting guests. So much time was put into research and coming up with questions. Once, she had cut her hair, like an inch, if even! A detective probably wouldn’t have even noticed this trim! Yet, the emails pouring in immediately after the show aired that night were from viewers, asking, “Did you change your hair?” followed by criticism or a compliment.

Even as our Prime Minister does his briefs, on such serious and monumental topics, there are so many on social media doing daily updates tracking his beard and hair. Are they listening to what he’s actually saying? Maybe. Hopefully. Who the F knows?

I think many of us have learned something about ourselves these past few months, whether it’s realizing how much we spoiled ourselves, the importance of reaching out, compassion, how to be more patient, the quality time you realized you were missing with your children, or the importance of helping those in need. I recognize all that, but for me, even though I miss dressing up and the rush of buying a new outfit, I honestly don’t think I can justify buying any new outfits, which means I’m saving myself a ton of money. And that money can now go towards retirement, where, ironically, my dream, pre-COVID, was to retire somewhere warm and live in jean shorts, a white tank top, and flip flops. Ironic, right?