I Wish People Would Stop Telling Me To Make Myself A Priority

It’s 8 pm on a Sunday night and my husband just rolled out of the door to go for a run.

“Gotta make it a priority and part of your life or it just doesn’t happen,’ he tells me.

“Oh, yes I’d love to make that a priority,” I murmur to myself as I fold laundry. But how do I fit that in between making lunches, ironing, paying bills, grocery shopping, buying a birthday gift, bathing the kids, preparing a nice home-cooked dinner, cleaning the kitchen, and doing my third lap of the day around the house picking up toys?

My husband always says, “Today’s sacrifice is tomorrow’s reward” and “I’m taking care of myself now so that I’m around as long as our kids need me.”

I get it, but I still begrudge him for it.

Sure, I would love to lose the extra 12 pounds I have put on after having two children. I’d love to have a waistline instead of looking like a big rectangle. I’d also love to wear normal pretty underwear under a dress and not a pair of Spanx that hold everything in so tight that I talk an octave higher. Additionally, I would be incredibly happy to put on my jeans and not worry about what kind of top covers the muffin top that hangs over them. Most of all, though, I’d love to have more energy and feel better about myself. But again, when exactly does that fit into my ‘mom’ schedule?

I know as a new mom I am putting myself down a lot as I constantly question everything I am doing. The fact that my clothes don’t quite fit the way they used to definitely makes all of that feel even worse.

I follow a young, beautiful mom of two on social media. Frequently, I am inspired by her upbeat, cheery posts that encourage me to “Make yourself a priority” and make me feel like I can take on the world after her words of wisdom. But let’s face it—I also want to ask her how the hell she does it and I want her to explain to me exactly when I will find the time to prioritize myself.

As a new mom and parent of two, I often feel like I am letting everyone down, as I try to be a perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect housekeeper, perfect business owner—the list goes on. I’d love to make myself a priority, but after becoming a mom I can’t be that selfish. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I should make myself number one and everything else will follow because, let’s be honest, when Momma’s happy, everyone is happy.

Something’s gotta give. Maybe I need to come to the realization that it’s okay if the dishes sit in the sink for a day, or give the kids a simple bun with cheese for lunch rather than a fancy bento box.

Maybe my anger stems from the fact that I can make myself a priority if I just take time to realize that other things will have to slide.

I’m sure that some of you hear me. We all feel way better about ourselves, and life in general, when our clothes fit, our hair looks great, we get enough sleep and we actually have some energy.

I guess it is hard to face the fact that I know what I have to do—it’s just that I am so dang tired that, in a catch-22 fashion, it seems like even more work to get there. I always say that it’s way easier to be overweight. A box of Kraft dinner is cheap. Plus, after a full-on day, once the kids go to bed, finally sitting down and watching a movie with a bowl of popcorn and a glass of wine is way more appealing than heading out for a run.

8 pm on a Sunday? I mean c’mon. That’s when I’m slipping into my PJs and going braless!

They say it only takes 21 days to make something a habit, so maybe tomorrow will be day one. If the kids sleep through the night and I can start the day on more than an Eggo waffle, then maybe I will put on my running shoes, let the dishes sit in the sink and let the laundry pile up.

Or perhaps I’ll win the lottery tomorrow. Then I’ll finally make myself a priority.