My 7-Year-Old Ordered Pokemon Cards Off Amazon, Without Me Knowing! Respect? Or Bad Mommy?

The other day, my 7-year-old son, Holt, managed to order himself a $70 box set of Pokemon cards from Amazon when I wasn’t home. Yes, my son not only knew how to order himself this expensive tin can of Pokemon cards from my laptop without me knowing, but he also Amazon Primed this, knowing he would get the delivery the following day.

I wasn’t sure if I should say, “Respect Kid! You’re fucking smart for your age!” Or if I should punish him. But, the fact is, I had never actually told him, “You cannot order anything off Amazon on your own!” I mean, who knew I would have to say that sentence to my young kid? Right now, I’m trying to teach him not to pat my butt every time he walks past me. That I spell out!

Who knew that my 7-year-old could remember to type in “Pokemon Cards,” then “check out” by clicking on “buy now!” But, again, recently, I had Amazon Primed myself a weighted blanket, and my son was sitting on my lap, and I did allow him to order something Pokemon related, too, and let’s just say I now truly realize kids pay WAY more attention than we think.

This is what happened.

I was in the back of an Uber when an email came in with the subject line, “Your Amazon.ca order of Pokemon TCG: TAG Team…” and went on to read, “Hello Rebecca Eckler. Thank you for shopping with us. We’ll send you a confirmation once your item has been shipped.” I was confused.

I knew for a fact that I didn’t order this! (Trying to understand the thousands of names/powers of Pokemon cards makes this mommy want to Poke-her-Eyes-Out!) Never once did it occur to me that my son had done this, although he knows how to search for up-to-date sports scores on his iPad. Maybe he’s more like, “sneaky” smart?

I just automatically assumed there was some sort of mix up, because we have ordered Pokemon Cards off Amazon before, and he’s seen me ordering off Amazon, but I certainly did not order this expensive box set. So when I first read the email, my immediate thought was, “F**K, I don’t want to deal with a customer service department.”

My second thought was, “Does someone else have my credit card?” Again, I never thought that my son, who is SEVEN, would know how to type in “Pokemon Cards” into the search, then scroll down, to find what his options were to order, while also knowing the difference between regular shipping and Prime shipping. I guess it was my bad since I had once pointed out the yellow checkmark to him with the word “Prime,” in blue. That means you’ll get it the next day, I explained. If you don’t, I told him, whatever you’re ordering doesn’t arrive for at least a few days.

It’s truly amazing how quickly our kids learn, especially with technology. In hindsight, I basically taught him how to order from Amazon Prime.

As soon as I got home, I opened my computer, which had been on sleep mode, so all my son had to do was open my screen, press a key, where he saw (and I saw) immediately that the Amazon site was up. I also then saw the word “confirmed” with a, “Your package will arrive by…”

I knew it had to be my son, even though I was still in denial that a SEVEN-YEAR-OLD, is actually smart enough to be able to do this, because my daughter (who was SUPPOSED to be watching him) doesn’t care about Pokemon, and she has her own Amazon account set up, anyway, where she orders everything from school supplies to goggles for swimming, and books she’s interested in.

I was pissed. But not for the reason you think. I asked my son if he had touched my computer. He looked so guilty and also scared, not because he ordered himself an expensive box set of Pokemon cards, but because he TOUCHED my computer. In my house, our rules are pretty loose. There’s really no set bedtime. I don’t force them to eat (they’ll eventually eat when they are hungry.) I don’t put limits on screen time. They do have to clean up after themselves and take care of each other, but the one rule that everyone in the house knows is to NOT TOUCH MOMMY’S COMPUTER EVER. It’s a superstitious thing, but I hate when people touch my computer, and, truly, aside from bathing, cleaning up, not farting in my face, and doing homework, that’s my ONE and ONLY die-hard rule.

My son knew I was pissed because when my kid knows I’m mad, he runs to his room to “hide.” I went up and reminded him that if he touched my computer again, I will take away all his Pokemon cards, which to him would be the equivalent of receiving a 70-year jail sentence. Then I asked, “Did you order Pokemon cards?”

Between his sobs, he said, “Yes. Because they come tomorrow.” Sigh. After I told him to calm the fuck down (In a much nicer way!) and I knew he understood he was never to touch my computer again, I wasn’t sure if I should be angry over his Prime delivery, or if I should laugh.

In fact, I kind of have to respect my son for being so smart. I couldn’t exactly punish him, considering he didn’t know he wasn’t allowed to do it. Again, I never told him he couldn’t Amazon Prime himself stuff because I never thought I’d need to have an “Amazon Prime Delivery” talk with him, like a sex talk.

But I did, indeed, have to have that talk. I mean, if having a conversation with a 7-year-old, and telling them to stop ordering themselves stuff from the Internet doesn’t say modern parenting and modern kids these days, I don’t know what does!

So my son knows, now, that he can’t order anything, because he knows he can’t touch my computer.

However, if my 7-year-old knows how to order off Amazon and the difference between Amazon and Amazon Prime at such a young age, why the hell can’t he comprehend leaving the toilet seat down?

Forget the sex talk. Have a talk, with your kids who are tech-savvy, and tell them they can’t order anything off the Internet, apparently, starting as early as age 7!