My Epic, Last-Minute Galapagos Family Trip of a Lifetime

It’s been a couple of brutal years… emotionally, mentally, and financially. In my desperation to kickstart some semblance of healing, I did something impulsive. Like crazy expensive impulsive. I booked a trip to the Galapagos Islands for myself and my two teenagers. This is usually a bucket list-type family trip that people plan and save forever for. I found and booked and was on the boat in under a week. The Galapagos are 600km off the coast of Ecuador. My route there went as follows: local inpatient trauma program (seemed extreme) –> yoga/healing retreat in Algonquin Park (hella expensive for only a few days) –> hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro (lol, my son told me it was cold) –> hiking the Inca Trail to Macchu Picchu (despite hating camping and fearing heights, I have always wanted to do this and still will one day but the Peruvian government had already given out their allotted permits for the time I wanted to go) –> ???

I needed something epic and I needed it fast. And epic family vacations are not easy to pull off at the last minute. The one thing I have (for the time being, anyway) is money thanks to the sale of my home, so that helps. I needed a reset and I need(ed) for my kids to not see me as a mess anymore. I’ve lost my sense of self and I was really afraid of losing my connection with my children.

So I made a decision that is wildly irresponsible on paper and was deeply necessary for my soul… I took us to the middle of the Pacific Ocean, to a place and on an adventure so removed from our everyday lives that healing felt maybe, just maybe, like it might be possible. An eight-day cruise on an eight-cabin boat with at least one snorkeling excursion and one hike (and often three or four) everyday onboard the Beluga. Our days would start with breakfast at 7 a.m. and end with a briefing for the next day at 8 p.m. and be completely full in between.

The absolutely crushing buyers’ remorse was immediate and the anxiety was almost all-consuming. It was non-refundable, so we were going. My last vacation was the summer before my marriage ended and the only reason I went was because I thought we were staying together. I hadn’t flown since before the pandemic. I’ve been literally frozen in trauma and grief so badly that I basically walk my dog and that’s it. How on Earth was I going to manage this trip?

A light day on the Beluga! Incredible whiteboard marker art by Darwin Alvarez 🙂

I expressed to my kids that there would be no judgement if they wanted a day or two to check out and remain on the boat for their wifi/scrolling needs. They didn’t do that once. They showed up for me and (despite still repeatedly saying, “What the f*ck am I doing? What the f*ck have I done? over and over to myself even while waiting for our third flight connection) I showed up for them.

I had no expectations. And the Galapagos would have blown away any that I had. Giant tortoises. Sea lions EVERYWHERE. Penguins! Interesting and silly birds that are as curious about you as you are of them. Schools of rays and hammerhead sharks. Our fellow passengers were beyond lovely. A married couple like I thought I’d be part of forever, an extended family like the one I’m blessed to belong to, with an active grandma like the one I would like to be one day. Two incredible children (not just mine!) Millennial friends on their own personal journeys. And a wonderful crew who supported and cared for our group led by the incredible Darwin, who is the perfect person to guide you through the absolute wonder of the Galapagos with respect for the creatures and the environment.

We snorkeled and swam and played with sea lions daily. Dolphins chased our boat. One day, penguins swirled all around us while we explored a reef straight out of a Disney movie. On that same excursion we saw white tip sharks. The next day there were hundreds of rays and small hammerhead sharks. We hiked landscapes like I’d never seen before, with lava lizards everywhere and really big iguanas just chillin’ here and there.

The grief crept in from time to time. This should be an epic FAMILY vacation, my brain would sometimes scream. But I was able to remind myself that the only reason we were on that trip is because we weren’t a family anymore. Every happy memory I have from the past 25 years is tainted. These new memories I’ve made are just tinged. There’s a difference. And some of them are truly pure and sweet.

Three adorable sea lions playing in the surf on Espanola Island

Now, back at home, I feel lost at sea in an apartment that is lovely but that I do not love (yet) amongst boxes and possessions I have nowhere to put. I’m adrift in a life where I can’t even see my next stop, let alone my next destination. On the Beluga I knew where I was going and what I was doing every day, and I slept better and for longer than I have in over a decade. I haven’t been the captain of my own ship in almost 25 years; I truly loved being first mate. They do say it’s the journey that matters, not the destination. Although for me, for now, my next journey and destination is an ashram in the Bahamas because even though we’re in a heat wave, I feel frozen again. Healing isn’t linear. I remind myself of that hourly.

Healing Isn’t Linear

And healing doesn’t happen all at once. It’s not a vacation. It’s not a checklist. It’s a slow and uneven process filled with starts and stops. I needed to go to the end of the Earth to start and I have no idea when I’ll finally stop. Probably when the money runs out haha.

One night in Quito, Ecuador… Not nearly enough!

But our time on the Beluga reminded me of what I’m capable of: joy, curiosity, connection. Our trip was ten days of beauty and adventure and truly the most incredible hotel breakfast we have ever experienced at the Wyndham Quito Airport Hotel. So even if the afterglow didn’t last as long as I hoped it would, there is a spark again.

I’m certain my kids will remember the sea lions and the boobies and the bickering over wearing sunscreen (sorry, no, that never seems to end). And I truly hope they always remember the feeling of being fully seen and fully loved by me.

Because I will never forget what it feels like to give that to them. And to myself. They are excited about mom’s next nervous breakdown and where it might take them! Kidding! Kinda 🙂