Resolve to Do the Bare Minimum of Parenting: Show Up
I can probably count on one hand the number of hockey games I’ve missed since my son started playing more than 10 years ago. I can say the same for the number of doctor’s appointments I wasn’t able to attend during my daughter’s complex medical journey.
I say this not as a flex. It’s a statement of what I believe is the bare minimum of parenting.
I’m not a martyr. I’m not a saint. I believe that, when you can, you show up. And I think that, when you can, you should.
This is not about being perfect. This is not about never missing a thing. Life happens. Jobs are often inflexible. Other children need care. Illness definitely intervenes and exhaustion is real. But there’s a difference between can’t and won’t. And too often we’ll blur that line to make ourselves more comfortable.
Research consistently shows that children benefit when parents are actively involved in their lives and not just emotionally, but physically present as well. Studies have linked parental involvement to better academic performance, stronger social skills, and improved emotional well-being.
And yet for some, showing up is optional. Attendance is framed as “extra,” instead of important. It’s as though being present is a personality trait instead of a responsibility you take on when you become a parent.
And we’ve also become very good at explaining these absences away…
- “Kids are resilient.”
- “They don’t need me there.”
- “They didn’t ask.”
And those things can be true. Kids are resilient. But research suggests that resilience is built through reliable relationships and consistent adult support.
Children don’t always ask for what they need (if they even know what they need). They notice instead. They notice who shows up. They notice patterns. They notice consistency (or the lack of it).
And so what they absorb isn’t just whether or not someone showed up at a game or an appointment. They absorb the deeper message underneath: you are important enough for me to be there.
This matters in school settings. This matters in medical settings. And it matters in extracurricular spaces like sports where studies show that positive parental involvement like attending games and offering emotional support is associated with better psychological experiences for young athletes.
My feelings about this are probably heightened by my own childhood experiences. If I wanted to do something I went by myself. I know what it’s like to scan a crowd and not see someone. Anyone. I know what it’s like to minimize your own disappointment because it feels safer than naming it. I don’t share that as a grievance. It’s context.
Our childhoods inform what we understand as care. They shape what feels normal and right to us now. Ignoring that doesn’t make us more objective; it just makes us less honest.
There’s a cultural narrative right now that equates involvement with overreach. That if you attend too much or care too much or show up too reliably, you’re hovering. You’re a helicopter parent. Or a snowplow parent. But presence and consistency are not the same as control and coddling.
At this time of the year we’re encouraged to reset expectations and set intentions. I keep coming back to this as a grounding parenting resolution. I don’t need to do more. I don’t need to be better. I just need to show up when I can.
So I sit in the waiting room. And I stand at the rink. And I attend the parent-teacher meetings.
I want my kids to understand love, reliability, and their own worth.
So if you think it’s the bare minimum of parenting or simply what is expected of you, maybe you can focus on reading more and sleeping better. And for everyone else, if there’s one resolution worth keeping this year, maybe it’s this: when you can, show up.
