What I Wish My Middle Child Knew

There is no doubt in my mind that my confident, stubborn, headstrong first-born child knows how much I adore her.

For 22 months, when she was my only child, she was everything to me. (She still is – but there’s room in my heart for her sisters now, too). She is incredible and awe-inspiring. And she knows it.

When my second daughter came along, like all parents, I wondered how I could ever recreate such intense feelings for another baby. And yet, like all parents, I just did. She is everything to me, too.

As I watched her grow, I was in awe of everything she learned and did. Of how calm she was, despite her older sibling’s big personality. Of how easily she transitioned from being the youngest to the middle when her baby sister arrived.

She is my easy child. She is strong and silent and unfazed by life’s transitions. She is, quite simply, amazing to me. But she doesn’t seem to know it as much as her siblings. She needs reminding. She’s not quite as confident.

I realize this is largely personality. But it also breaks me a little on the inside.

There are so many things I wish she knew. Even though I tell her often how incredible she is and how she makes me feel, I don’t know if her little-kid mind fully grasps what I’m trying to say.

My adorable, curly-headed, soft-skinned, quiet little kid, I wish you knew how proud you make me.

I wish you knew how I felt when you were born. How it felt like I was a first-time Mom all over again because I loved you so much. How I relished time alone to snuggle your tiny body and smell your sweet head. But also how thrilled I was to introduce you to your big sibling.

I wish you knew how I watch you take everything in stride and want to be a little bit more like you. You accept whatever is given to you and you succeed – even at a younger age than your older sister did. You rarely ever give up.

I wish you knew how happy it makes me when I see you acting silly. When you’re uncharacteristically loud and rambunctious and hilarious. I wish you knew how I love you just as much when you’re quiet and thoughtful, because that’s you. And you are perfect just as you are.

I wish you knew how much I needed you.

You came along at a time when I was constantly questioning my parenting ability. I couldn’t seem to do anything right with your older sister. And then you arrived, content and happy. You slept through the night at 5 months old, you nursed with ease, were potty-trained quickly, you took to daycare immediately. You reassured me that I’m a good parent when I desperately needed it.

My incredible little girl, if you ever wonder, I want you to know: I see you. I hear you. I have the same amount of love and adoration for you. I want you to feel it, because you are special. You are different from your big sister and your little sister – and that makes you perfect.

Most importantly, if it ever feels like I don’t have a lot of time for you, I hope you know that I will always love you so deeply that I sometimes wonder how I will survive you growing up.

Now and forever, you have all of me, my little one.