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Hockey Moms Gone Wild! Why I Completely Lost it On Another Hockey Mom

Hockey Moms Gone Wild

(Warning: Profanities will be used in this post!)

Never in my life did I ever imagine that I would end up in a full-out screaming blowout with another hockey mom.

I wish I were kidding. Boy did we cause a scene. Usually, when I get angry, I use the silent treatment. But when I witnessed a hockey mom literally screaming at my daughter’s coach this past weekend at their hockey tournament, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. Let me just say, if there were a reality show called “Hockey Moms Gone Wild,” we would have made great cast members. We did, after all, have a captivated audience of dozens of hockey parents witnessing this blowout.

Here’s a little history, before I explain how I got into a screaming match with another hockey mom, (whose daughter isn’t even on my daughter’s hockey team, nor did she have a child in a game against my daughter’s team.)

My 15-year-old daughter, Rowan, started playing House League hockey just two years ago. There’s one game and one practice a week, so I’ve never felt like a “real” hockey mom, except when I open my kitchen cupboard and see the coffee mug that says “Hockey Mom.” That’s pretty much the extent of my hockey mom-ness; a mug telling me I’m a hockey mom. My daughter’s team never cares if they win or lose; they really do just play for fun. My daughter, by far, is not the best hockey player on the team. She knows this and we laugh about it. She says she’s the fourth-worst player out of a team of 15 girls.

Her coach is possibly the most mild-mannered, kind-hearted man I have ever met. When my daughter first joined the team last year, she barely knew how to skate, let alone skate with equipment and a hockey stick. Even still, he gave my daughter just as much ice time as the rest of the girls. When she wanted to play goalie, so he let her. Their team lost 8-0. Even still, when she wanted to try to play goalie again, a few weeks later, he once again let her. They lost 5-0. My point is that my daughter’s coach is fair and calm, he encourages the girls, and even when they lose (most of the time) he always tells them how amazing they were, how much they improved or compliments them on how hard they tried.

Not once has he ever said anything negative. He coaches because he likes it. It’s a thankless job, but he gave my daughter the gift of confidence because even though she sort of sucks, he’ll always find something nice to say about how much she’s improving.

So, when I saw another hockey mom screaming at him, ten minutes before my daughter’s game was starting, I couldn’t help myself. This hockey mom was not only causing a scene at the tournament, but she was screaming profanities at my daughter’s coach. I know it happens, but this was the first time I had seen anything like it.

I watched as she screamed like a banshee at him, and he just stood there, taking it, not saying a word. I think he wasn’t saying anything because no good ever comes from a man screaming at a woman, especially these days.

So, yeah, I stepped in.

For me, there’s nothing worse than seeing someone screaming at another person unjustly. Even in high school, for example, I screamed at one of the popular boys to “shut your fucking mouth,” as he was making fun of another classmate, who, by the way, I wasn’t even friends with. So, yeah, I have a temper when I see people treating others unfairly, rudely, or unjustly.

“Why are you screaming at him?” I yelled at this hockey mom.

“He shouldn’t even be a fucking coach. He fucking sucks!” she screamed, her anger (and face) now directed at me. “He said my daughter’s team sucked. He’s such a fucking loser!”

Honestly? I don’t know what came over me, but what came out of my mouth shocked even me. I screamed to stop yelling at my daughter’s coach, to which this hockey mom screamed to me that it was none of my business and that, I “should fucking stay out of it” (which I probably should have…anyway…)

Then the fight turned really south.

“I don’t fucking have to do anything!” I screamed back at her. And then, in one my least proud moments, also screamed, “Maybe your team does fucking suck!”

And then it turned really, really ugly. “You want to go?” she screamed, walking towards me. And that’s when I smelled the alcohol on her breath, possibly another reason my daughter’s coach refused to tell her to just shut up. But it was too late. I saw red. What came out of my mouth next was possibly one of the funniest lines I have ever uttered, but at that moment, all I was thinking about was how mad she had made me.

“Do you want to Real Housewives it, New Jersey Style? Let’s fucking go then!” I screamed at this woman. In hindsight, it wasn’t really the best idea as I’m only 5’2, she had been drinking, and I don’t know how to throw a punch. I also had no idea if this hockey mom even watched the Real Housewives, to understand my reference of the reality show, where the female cast members in every episode get into epic fights and throw wineglasses at each other. Yeah, that’s the level I went down to.

I should mention that, along with the dozens and dozens of other hockey parents watching me and this other hockey mom scream at each other,  my mother, father, the guy I’m exclusively dating, and my older brother also witnessed this fight that had turned very, very ugly.

“You shut your mouth,” the woman screamed at me. To which, of course, I maturely yelled back, “Again, I don’t fucking have to do anything. Why don’t you shut your fucking mouth?”

The next thing I knew, she was holding a glass bottle of Pepsi and aiming it at my face. Yep. We were this close to hair pulling and punching each other.

But before anything physical happened, her husband wrapped his arms around her from behind and pulled her away. Clearly, this was not her first time yelling at a stranger in public. I turned around to see my Dad, brother, and the guy I’m exclusively dating, just standing there. I do feel bad for acting like that in public, but I don’t feel bad for sticking up for my daughter’s coach.

“That was such a turn on seeing you like that,” the guy I’m dating exclusively said. (Sweet, but totally unhelpful at that moment.) My Dad didn’t say anything but, honestly, I think he not only liked watching me stand up for the coach, but he was proud of me, by showing him that I wasn’t backing down to this woman.

The guy I’m dating explained to me that he and my father couldn’t step in, because once men get involved, then other husbands would get involved and then it would have really turned nasty, and most likely definitely physical. I agree, 100 percent, with him. The coach couldn’t really say anything either, because he’s a man, or maybe just too nice, even though this hockey mom deserved it.

Looking back, I’m not sure what came over me, because this random hockey mom wasn’t even a worthy adversary, so why was I even bothering getting in a fight with her?

One of my hockey mom friends witnessed the entire fight and said, “I want you to be with me if I ever get into a fight, that’s for sure!”

Once the screaming hockey mom was gone, I watched my daughter’s game. They lost. When my daughter came out of the change room she raced up to me and said excitedly, “I heard you got into a fight! What happened? What happened?” I wondered how she had even heard about this epic screaming match. “One of my friends on the team saw you yelling at another woman. My friend said she’s never seen anything like it!” my daughter told me.

Yes, my daughter, mother, father, brother, friend and the guy I’m dating all thought I was “in the right” because the women deserved my wrath, by yelling at the coach like that. However, I’m not exactly proud of my behaviour, that’s for sure. I’m actually embarrassed.

Fellow hockey moms, please don’t yell at volunteer coaches. Just don’t. And although I’m a mortified at my public outburst, I’ve never felt more like a hockey mom than I did at that moment. (But I don’t think that’s a good thing.)

I much prefer to be the peaceful hockey mom, who is ONLY a hockey mom because her daughter plays once a week and because I own a mug that says ‘Hockey Mom’ on it.

What’s the worst behaviour you’ve seen as a hockey mom?

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