Swoon! The Crush-Like Love Between a Mother and Son

Finally! I got married! It all happened so fast. But, yes, I spent last Sunday planning an entire wedding, including the guest list, the food, and the venue.

It’s not what you’re thinking. I was marrying my six-year-old son, who had announced he wanted to marry me. ME!

It was my third marriage proposal and, by far, the sweetest. The week before, as my son and I were having an epic pillow fight, he stopped, looked at me and, out of nowhere, said, “You look so pretty, Mommy.” It was the nicest compliment I’ve ever received in my entire life.

I’ve tried to explain to friends who don’t have sons, that while I love my daughter and son equally, the love I have for my son is…dare I say it?…sort of romantic? When my daughter tells me I look ‘pretty,’ of course it’s sweet, but it also feels more like a girlfriend giving a compliment, or that she approves of my outfit. When my son said, “You look so pretty, Mommy,” I swear, I…swooned!

My heart went pitter-patter. All the same feelings of having a crush, in fact, sort of bubbled up. I’m not an expert, but I’m positive psychologists, and I’m guessing some others, would have a field day that I responded to my son telling me he wants to marry me, by saying excitedly, “Great! Let’s plan the wedding. First, we need to go over who we want to invite. Then we need to decide where we are going to get married. Then we have to decorate. Then we have to figure out the food.”

Shrinks would probably shake their heads because I was allowing him to believe he could marry his mother. But for me, it was a super fun way to kill a rainy afternoon.

Our venue was our living room. The guest list included an insane number of plastic action figures, his security blanket, his sister Rowan, his nanny, and his nanny’s son. My son and I spent a good 45 minutes lining up the plastic guests for our upcoming nuptials. “And now we have to go buy food for everyone! Off to the car! We need junk food!” I said excitedly. My son was actually eager to hit the grocery store, running to get his shoes and coat on. Basically, the food at our wedding was the entire junk food aisle at Loblaws. And, yes, of course, we bought a cake. It was a wedding!

Sure it took me to my mid-forties to walk down an aisle, even if that aisle was made of toilet paper, which I told my son to roll down the stairs, into the living room. (This was, possibly, the most exciting part of the wedding for him.) My daughter officiated it. I had bought two ring pop candies. The ceremony lasted about 8 seconds since my son was now almost entirely focused on all the junk food and the cake we had set up on the dining room table.

By the way, DO NOT type into Google, “Mothers,” “sons” and “romantic love,” as I did, while wondering if other mothers of young sons felt almost a crush-like feeling towards their son. (Let’s just say you’ll be faced with a lot of X-rated videos.) If, however, you type in “mothers,” “sons” and “love,” you’ll find many, many mothers writing love letters to their sons, including one called, “One Mom’s heart-bursting letter to her sons about what saying ‘I love you’ really means.” The author says “When a mother says ‘I love you,’ it means so many different things. So this is a letter to my sons about the many true meanings of love.”

She goes on to say, “It doesn’t matter how far away you are or how old we both become. It doesn’t matter how many years go by or how many children of your own you have someday. You will always be the fire in my heart, the greatest joy in my memories, and the reason I sometimes stay awake and worry. I will love you on your happiest days, I will love you through your lowest points, I will love you when you break my heart. This love of mine will take on a thousand different forms, yet it will never change.”

When it comes to love with my daughter, I have never once worried that she’d break my heart. With my daughter, I just hope she finds a good partner that is kind to her and lets her be her. For whatever reason, I don’t worry about my daughter’s future partner the same way I worry about my son’s future partner. I’m already jealous of her.

In another article, entitled “18 Proud Mothers of Sons on the Best Part of Being A ‘Boy Mom,” one mother says about her three-year-old son, “My little man is the man of the house. He is so sensitive and caring and always takes care of me. When I’m tired, he hands me a blankie. When I’m sad, he gives me a hug. He always tries to make me laugh. He is so observant ― he even notices new nail polish!…” (If this were an adult’s profile on Tinder, wouldn’t you want to check this guy out?)

According to this article,  “At around the age of four, it is common for a child to fall in love with the parent of the opposite sex. This has to do with his strong love for his parents and is the beginning of his forming a positive relationship to the opposite gender.”

My daughter, too, has always been very affectionate. At 15, we still walk down the street holding hands. But when my son grabs my hand, it feels different…like he really needs his mommy. My son goes out of his way to make me laugh, by doing silly dance moves, or just by being a plain goofball. He knows the way to my heart is to make me laugh.

The article goes on to say, “… (A son’s) love is very powerful and is similar to a teenager’s first crush, so it must be handled carefully. You will need to avoid teasing him about his wish. Instead, acknowledge his desire by saying, “You really would like to marry Mommy. It is OK that you wish you could. Little boys your age often feel that way.” Jesus. Seriously? Can’t a mommy marry a six-year-old without it actually meaning anything?

No, I did not tell my son he couldn’t marry me, because I know it’s a phase – even shorter than a phase. By nighttime, he was ignoring me, playing on his iPad, our ‘wedding’ already forgotten, his Ring Pop stuck to a pillow.

Still, it was a great excuse to buy and eat cake. Also, if you’d like to send us congratulatory gifts, we’ll take them.