There’s just no easy way to put a label on the complex modern day mom. Still, some people just can’t help themselves (Don’t they know labels are for hats and mitts?).
Here are a few varieties we’ve come across—shamelessly stereotypical, we know—but you might just recognize a few.
Moms who show up at every school assembly an hour early to reserve the first two rows, set up their tripods and capture junior’s fifteen minutes of oboe genius using about six video cameras. (Sadly, your daughter’s flute solo got a bit lost.)
Moms who drive around in honkin’ SUV’s talking on the phone while drinking their complic-lattès. (pronounced compli-KLA-ttès). Taking corners while multitasking is not their forte. Best to take care when driving in their vicinity (or even strolling on a nearby sidewalk).
The ‘90’s name given to stay-at-home moms whose role apparently evolved from that of homemaker to chauffeur. She drives a minivan (ALL the time), wears sweat pants and is often seen yelling at strangers in order to protect the interests of her “perfect angels”.
Moms who know how to breathe by the book and wear their sweat pants a bit tighter than soccer moms. They think a lot about their core and strive for balance above all (best of luck, we say).
Moms with children who think it’s fun to pile the lawn furniture on top of the monkey bars and jump off. They don’t know the meaning of the phrase “mild abrasion”. These moms have given up worrying about the health benefits of broccoli and are just trying to keep their offspring alive. (They have a favourite route to the hospital all mapped out.)
Moms who hover over every stage of their child’s development, from in utero, through the college years and beyond. It starts with too many ultrasounds and evolves into fresh lunch deliveries to school (with a special note inside), completing homework assignments and sneaking into college dorm rooms to wash and fold laundry. Breeders of independence? Not so much.
Moms who have just had a baby, wear a glazed look and feel the need to tell you—a perfect stranger in Starbucks—how much (or how little) sleep they got last night. (They need a double complic-lattè.)
Hall Monitor Moms
Moms who are always in the know about what little Jack did at school last week and feel the need to tell you, Jack’s mom, about the spit ball incident. Insists she is laughing WITH you, not AT you. Like we believe THAT.
We know, labels schmabels. Just keep on being the best SavvyMom you can be. You’re doing a great job.